may be a little labor intensive but worth it fer sure.

2 1/4 flour

2 1/4 sugar

2 1/3 cup oil

4 eggs

2 tsp baking powder

2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp ground cloves

2 tsp cinnamon

3 1/2 cups carrots finely chopped (food processor)

1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts

1 cup crushed pineapple well drained.

(optional 1 cup raisins)

mix oil and egg for 2 minutes, gradually add sugar.

add this mix to all the dry ingredients (not the sugar though, Chere, ya used that shit already.)

mix well, it's a cake y'all.

add all yer weird lumpy shit to it. (carrots, raisins walnuts pineapple) mix it up

put it in 2 rounds, a bundt 'er cupcakes fer all i care-

Its done a t 350 when a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, mah bake times have been widely varied but in a silicone pan it took 45 minutes. Wrap in saran wrap an' refrigerate ovah night (i don' know why but i think you culd jus' do it til it is nice an' chilled.

i think i may have posted a recipe fer the cream chease frosting, if not, Easy peasy, check it out Y'all.

1 brick cream cheese 

4 cups powdered sugar

1 stick butter

a smidge 'a vanilla

mix it with hand mixer- butter an' cheese should be room temp'rature.

Here is a shortcut- if ya do a bundt- git the cream cheese frostin' from the store and microwave it fer a few seconds, til pourable- then pour over yer bundt all pritty.

*hic* bon appetite

Get a lemon box cake mix.

prepare cake mix, susbstitutin' 7up for water.

Get a lemon, zest it inta the mix, squeeze the juice in as well.

Bake until you stick a toothpick in that comes out clean, I like ta use abundt pan fer this, it comes out pretty.

For frosting, take a cup of powder'd sugar, squeeze lemon juice in, zest s'more lemon inta it. Add a tad o'milk if ya need to, and if ya like color, add a smidge of yello color.  Pour slowly around the toppa tha cake, lettin' it drizzle down.  Wah-la, a yummy refreshin' cake for a spring day.

Well, this last week, i was over in Homer (total shithole as far as I am concerned) Helpin' out my sister, Who broke her leg fallin' off her porch.  Who the hell does that?  Any way, I am home now, and found out that that sweetie pie @Smeykunz has hurt herself as well (though i'd be willin' to bet in not such a dumb ass way as my sister.) So, since she like my red velvet cake, and has been so kind to me in the past, I think i will bake her one and run it on out to The Compton place (before dark of course,, duh!  Of course any ole vamp bitin me would get all soused, seeing as how my blood is probably the equivalent of Bacardi 151, or some potent backwoods moonshine)  So i am gonna bake a cake, and share the recipe with ya.  Here we go.

 

Jane's Red Velvet Cake

2 1/2 cups flour

1 1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

3 tsp cocoa

1 1/2 cup vegetable oil

1 cup buttermilk, room temperature

2 eggs room temp

1 ounce (1 bottle) of red food color

1 tsp vinegar

 

frosting:

1 pound cream cheese

2 sticks of butter

4 cups powdered sugar

 

combine dry ingredientsin large bowl, combine wet ingredients in smaller bowl. add wet ingredients to dry, mix, pour in your favorite shaped pan, bake at 350 until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.  you can also add pecans to the outside of it.

 

that is all.  My drunk ass may have forgotten something though.

The other night i went to sleep, after an uneventful day.  Hell, i wasn't even all liquored up when i turned in, which, I can honestly admit is unusual for me.  I wasn't quite in a deep sleep when something woke me up-  You know how when you live someplace for a long time you know every squeaky cabinet and floorboard, like it was your own child's voice?  Well, i think i may have heard one of the floorboards in the kitchen, and I woke up to realize that for the first time in I don' know how long, I was not alone in my house.  I really didn't know what to do. i was frozen with fear.  I could see down the hallway thanks (or no thanks) to the dresser mirror, and had my back to the bedroom door.  I heard him come in my room and start to go thru my jewelry.  Then, i felt the discomfort of a bout of the flatulence comin' around.  i am sure it was nerves, but it couldn' have come at a worse time, really.  I sat there, while he was riflin' through my stuff, straining to hold that fart in. Finally i just couldn't.  It was at that point that i let loose with one of the loudest interjections from my rear end i have ever heard; which is saying a lot.  Then, the intruder ran, out the room, down the hall and back out the kitchen door.  Thank god.  Behind him in my kitchen i found an empty glass vial which had once contained what I can only assume was drugs of some sort (I have seen my share with the Hell's Angels, I am not stupid!) I called the emergency number only to be doubted by the cupcake on the line.  Yesterday, i marched my ass, sober no less, down to Bud Dearbornes office with my discovery and a complaint about his operator.  He listened to me, I will give him that, and then he told me that there was an increase on burglaries all over because of the use of the V juice, and folks stealin' from other folks to fuel that dirty habit (and others).  

So that was my big night.  i never want to have to go thru that again.  Next time maybe i will have a surprise for a thief; you just never know.  

 

I have never claimed to be a young woman, or tried to act like one, (that I know of, I will take the fifth on those occasions at Merlotte's when I "cannot recall") But let me tell ya, food poisoning at this age takes its toll.  Friday night, when I came home from Merlotte's, I remember making myself one of the egg sandwiches I love- toasted bread, mayo, mustard, egg, sunny side up with melted cheddar, and a coupla shakes of Tabasco.  I like the yolk kinda runny, because I mop it up with the bread, but anyhow; runny yolk=runny butt.

Yeah, I said runny butt.  More like mud butt.  I woke up at around 10 am on Saturday, went to the restroom, sat down and promptly panicked, because not only was I having butt urgency, but, i was also having an overwhelming feeling that I was gonna toss my cookies....So what to do?  I grabbed my wastebasket and yacked in there.  It wasn't the first time I barfed in my bathroom waste basket, granted I was more inebriated at the time, but this was terrible.  I continued like that until about 3 am on Sunday, when I had to call Marvin to come and get me.  He took me to the hospital, where they gave me 3 bags of fluids, and some medicine that stopped the ralphing.  So now I am home, as of 11 am, and I am sick of being hungry.  I made myself a chicken salad sandwich, and I am settlin' in with my stories.  Soon, it will be 5 o'clock somewhere, and I will be having a little bitty cocktail.  It's good to be home.
 

1 1/2 cups of Bisquik

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup butter

1 egg

1 can pineapple rings

Marachino cherries

heat oven to 350, place butter in a round cake pan, melt it, add brown sugar, to make kind of a paste, place pineapple rings and cherries.  If you use whole cherries do it when the cake is out of the pan.  Mix Bisquick, egg, milk, and sugar, pour on top of previous mix.  bake 30-35 minutes.  Totally yummy, quick and easy.  Enjoy ya'll.

Sorry to my vampy readers, i know ya'll don' eat.

P.S.  You can also be like me by bellyin' up to Sam Merlottes bar and gettin' all buzzed up regularly, OR by farting pretty much whenever you bend over.  your choice-  I like to give ya'll options. 

Ok, now, I have never really been a hairy woman.  In the last 20 years or so I have had to pluck whisker hair that shouldn't be on my chin. I just chalk it up to manly hormones.  Today, I was on the back porch, drinking some coffee (sans the brandy, not Sanka either, actual coffee) and enjoying the sun.  I decided that this natural light would be perfect for plucking (removing) my eyebrows and what not.  When I got the mirror, which is 7x's magnification, I noticed....a six inch hair sticking out of the middle of my cheek.  Holy crap!  Six inches long....it was silky, blonde and fine.  Did I mention it was about 6 inches long?  How does that even happen?  Shocking, disturbing and well, kinda gross.

Stew on that for a bit.

A great day today, *hic*

I made dinner for my son.  Now i am currently logged out on the couch, burpin' and fartin' like no ones business.  Black-eyed peas do that to me every time.  I asked Marvin to bring me some Beano, you know "Take Beano before and there'll Be NO gas?"  Well I've got gas alright.  The farts have so much bass i am surprisn' myself, and you know that is somethin!

Oh well, Stayin' in tonight.  Got CSI, then i am gonna watch some David Letterman. 

Jealous?